That’s unfair!
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by
the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw
a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
“That’s unfair !” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and
that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.” “Shut up!”
barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. “Who are you
to question that woman’s punishment?”
Warning Signs You Might Need a New Lawyer
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A big sign in his office says: “Don’t ask me.”
His Law Firm is “Dewey, Cheathm & How!”
He asks the Judge, “How is your wife and my kids?”
A prison guard is shaving your head.
Mexican Bandit
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.”What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, “He said ‘Screw you, Asshole. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.’”
Where’s My Rolex???!!!!!
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!” “Oh my gaaad….”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex???!!!!!”
We don’t sell to blondes
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. “Darn, he recognized me,” she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed “How do you know I’m a blonde?” “Because”, he replied, “that’s a microwave.
First Class to Jamaica
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardess doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
Two copies
A young blonde executive was leaving the office one evening when she noticed the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my assistant has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” she replies, flattered that the CEO had asked her for help. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the START button. “Excellent!” replied the CEO, “I’ll need two copies.”
The blonde and the farmer
There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take in their beauty. She noticed the farmer just standing there watching too. She walked up to him asked some questions on raising sheep. She then asked, “If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one”? The farmer agreed. She guessed, 387. The farmer said that was correct. So, go take your pick on which one you want. She went into the flock and then to her car. The farmer stopped her, and asked, “If I can guess what your natural hair color is, can I have my DOG back”?
Two horses
PS NO OFFENCE TO BLONDES, IT’S JUST IT’S DUMB TO SAY “AREALLY DUMB PERSON………”
Heres a yo momma joke: Yo momma’s so dumb, she brought a spoon to the super bowl! or: yo momma’s so dumb, she got locked in a grocery store and died of starvation, or: yo momma’s so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with an application form! pwned!
Posted: November 21st, 2007
Hello??!?!??!?~!?!???!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!!??!??!?!?!?!?
Posted: November 21st, 2007
That’s unfair!
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by
the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw
a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
“That’s unfair !” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and
that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.” “Shut up!”
barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. “Who are you
to question that woman’s punishment?”
Warning Signs You Might Need a New Lawyer
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A big sign in his office says: “Don’t ask me.”
His Law Firm is “Dewey, Cheathm & How!”
He asks the Judge, “How is your wife and my kids?”
A prison guard is shaving your head.
Mexican Bandit
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.”What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, “He said ‘Screw you, Asshole. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.’”
Where’s My Rolex???!!!!!
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!” “Oh my gaaad….”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex???!!!!!”
We don’t sell to blondes
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. “Darn, he recognized me,” she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed “How do you know I’m a blonde?” “Because”, he replied, “that’s a microwave.
First Class to Jamaica
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardess doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
Two copies
A young blonde executive was leaving the office one evening when she noticed the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my assistant has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” she replies, flattered that the CEO had asked her for help. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the START button. “Excellent!” replied the CEO, “I’ll need two copies.”
The blonde and the farmer
There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take in their beauty. She noticed the farmer just standing there watching too. She walked up to him asked some questions on raising sheep. She then asked, “If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one”? The farmer agreed. She guessed, 387. The farmer said that was correct. So, go take your pick on which one you want. She went into the flock and then to her car. The farmer stopped her, and asked, “If I can guess what your natural hair color is, can I have my DOG back”?
Two horses
PS NO OFFENCE TO BLONDES, IT’S JUST IT’S DUMB TO SAY “AREALLY DUMB PERSON………”
Posted: November 21st, 2007
HALOOOO?!?!?!
Posted: November 21st, 2007
Greetings to all.
Prompt the best online shop on sale of Books.
Posted: November 21st, 2007
You dudes are weirdos
Posted: November 21st, 2007
Heres a yo momma joke: Yo momma’s so dumb, she brought a spoon to the super bowl! or: yo momma’s so dumb, she got locked in a grocery store and died of starvation, or: yo momma’s so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with an application form! pwned!
Posted: November 21st, 2007
ALL of those have been posted like 10 times! Come up with a new joke or LEAVE!
Posted: November 21st, 2007
GAWD!
Posted: November 21st, 2007
My friend told me this.
What A Difference 30 Years Makes
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it’s cool
2002: Moving to California because it’s warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints
2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW
2002: Hoping for a BM
1972: The Grateful Dead
2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint
2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones
2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal’s office
2002: Calling the principal’s office
1972: Down with the system
2002: Upgrade the system
1972: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Taking acid
2002: Taking antacid
1972: Passing the drivers’ test
2002: Passing the vision test
1972: Whatever
2002: Depends
Author Unknown but I assume they are at least 50 years old.
Posted: November 22nd, 2007
Yo mama so small, when it rain she da last one to know. holla at cha boy put dis on ya paste ???????????ìí???????
Posted: November 22nd, 2007
yeh… yo mama so ugly she make da lil gurh off of da ring look good